Boom! It’s 2015. It happens quickly. One minute it’s 2014, the next minute it’s 2015. It’s swift, it’s exciting, it’s inspiring beyond that minute sometimes. So, here we are in 2015. A year that sounded SO FAR AWAY when I was a teenager some twenty (gulp!) years ago. When I started to jot down notes in my journal for 2015, a word kept popping up: MORE. More this, more that, more him, more her, more good f’ing sh*t.
So, I’ve decided to take the hint from my subconscious and make MORE my manifesto of sorts for 2015.
What kinds of words did I jot down with MORE? Well, I’m going to share a few (quite a few) here.
More kindness. For others, and for myself.
More writing, publicly.
More outside. Outside, like the outdoors and outside my comfort bubble.
More challenges. Specifically, physically within fitness challenges.
More reading books (less reading online).
More bold dreaming.
More podcasting (yup, we’ll be continuing over at The Tangent Podcast!)
More energy. Specifically the good energy, the kind that fuels and the kind that sustains.
More travel adventures.
I just want to DO and BE more. I don’t want to BE less and don’t want to DO less. MORE. Unapologetically more.
I’m going to take on a couple of these “mores” in this post, and then I’ve also started a few additional posts to follow throughout January. Here’s to hoping I can “follow through”. That was supposed to make you chuckle. It made me chuckle.
Jumping right in with “more kindness”. I don’t struggle with this as much as I once did. I’ve written a little about this before. (My Brave Kindness post from a couple years ago is an example). Last year was all about transition for me – transition in relationships, transition to Midwest living, transition into being a mama bear of two (our lady babe is still in the womb, you didn’t miss anything). Kindness was a thick, pulsing piece of these transitions. I had rocky relational moments that needed kindness. Friendships are usually easy for me, and kindness is often mindless in my friendships. So when it’s not, I pause for a moment (or thousand) to figure out what the f is wrong – why isn’t the kindness easy? Sometimes it’s that I’m not being kind to myself, and other times it’s that I start to stifle my kindness to others. Not all others, but particular others. And without digging too deeply into personal relationships (recognizing this is a public facing blog that anyone could read, say the people I’m speaking about) when the kindness becomes hard, I become reflective and apparently – as I did last year – I’m able to say goodbye. Maybe goodbye for now, or maybe goodbye forever. I’m just not sure, and I found it more kind to not worry about LATER. So, leaning into 2015, I want more kindness. I want to be kindness. Not just in words I type, mostly just in all my everything always. It’s not vague, it’s just that simple. I want the kindness to just BE.
If I’d whispered into the ears of me ten years ago that I’d be asking for “challenges” as a part of this new year, there would have been maniacal laughter. This would not have gone over very well. The reality is, ten years ago, I was all about excuses for NOT being challenged. Challenges were scary and hard. Challenges were something I watched on MTV. Challenges were not my bag at all. So, I grinned and giggled that MORE challenges were something I wrote down during the brain dump in my journal last week. I want more challenges. I want more struggle. I want more of that surge of amazing feelings that comes from challenging myself.
I want to get back into jogging on the reg. I want to ride my neon orange bike for miles all over Indy and I want to breastfeed this lady babe. Being pregnant has done some weird shit to my brainspace. I’ve been just healthy enough, but not wildly healthy. I’ve craved spicy (in the first trimester) and now all I ever want is sweet (just rolled into the third trimester). I was so nauseous those first few months of pregnancy that I never really kept up with my fitness, then the weather hit, and then I started to feel like the me of ten years ago who had a bunch of (legit or not) excuses. I’m not waiting until I birth the lady babe before I start to make better choices and challenge myself, but I’m realistic that I can’t just challenge myself at the end of the pregnancy. At least, not at full speed.
Because I want more. More fitness challenges, more opportunities for growth. It’s not just about fitness, but fitness is a big fraction of the equation for me. I’m also challenging myself to make a friend. One single friend here in Indy. That could be a whole other post, though. I have a bunch of other weird things I want to challenge myself with, like taking up Italian and figuring out what the hell an “air plant” really is, but I *AM* having another babe in a couple months. SO.
In general, I didn’t want to be a poser about all this “new years” stuff. I love the aesthetic of less, but I want more. I don’t want to be ashamed about it either, because I’m okay with what I want more of. It’s not like when I was twenty-five and wanted more sex and shoes. Not that I’ll ever turn down sex or shoes. You get what I’m saying though…I hope.
So let’s do this 2015 thing, and let’s do it without apology. If you want to write up 100 resolutions, do that. If you want to call 2015 “The Year of Noodles”, f’ing do that. Let’s just do this thing.
Like I said, I’ll come back with more detail about more of my mores. That’s a sentence that doesn’t make real sense. I’ll be back, and I’d love to hear from you about what the heck your 2015 might end up looking like. Hit me up with a comment or a tweet. Or like, carrier pigeon. I love actual mail. Even if I do quite admittedly leave it on the counter for a few days before I open it driving my husb slowly mad. Poor dude, he’s a good dude.
In braveness and kindess for all the shit we can’t anticipate and all the dreams we’re made of.